The picture above is somewhat funny (unless you’ve ever proposed marriage and been turned down). Trying to get away as fast as she can, the woman seeks to escape a man with a ring. He’s got her leg and is being dragged along. As I say, it’s funny, unless you’ve been there and done that! This post is about such moments – the dealing with rejection moments. But, in particular, it is for those who feel rejection colors much of their lives. I want to speak to people who hurt in that way.
Recently, I was at a conference. Ana Werner, the speaker, provided a moment of healing for everyone who felt they are constantly bothered by rejection. She asked them to stand up. Not surprisingly, a large number of people stood.
Truly, many have felt the sting of frequent rejections. And, when you experience this, sometimes the rejection forms a stronghold, a fortress in your life. Consequently, you can perceive harm towards yourself even in the most benign moments.
As Ana ministered, she spoke a word from God. “You belong,'” she said. My own eyes filled with tears, having had experiences of rejection – in family, in church, and as a leader. Similarly, many there felt this too. How can we tear down the walls of our tendency to repeatedly feel rejected and get rid of it for good? True, people will go on acting in unkind ways in this fallen world. But how do we disengage, for good, from being overly bothered by it?
Fight the Lie that “You’re Not Wanted”
As I said, rejection can be like a big fort that looms in our path. Currently, I am preparing a talk about the battle of Jericho in the Bible. In this Bible account, Joshua, the leader of the Jewish people after Moses, has just taken the people into the Promised Land, the place that God said He had given them. It’s a good place – a land of “milk and honey” which means it is full of blessings.
However, they come to a walled city of enemies, Jericho. It stands in their way, and if they are going to truly “take” the Promised Land and possess it, they’re going to have to defeat the city and cause its walls to come tumbling down.
Similarly, you and I – if we struggle with rejection – have a “Jericho” in our way. Before we can enjoy everything that God has for us in this life, through Christ, and in the life to come, we’ve got to totally dismantle and defeat rejection’s power over us with God’s help. Otherwise, we continue to doubt His love and have little faith. Additionally, we stay at arm’s length from other people – having no real community. Truly, both of these states of mind come from seeing the world through the lens of rejection. It makes us unable to trust God or people.
Know That Rejection is Satan’s Strategy
Therefore, we’ve got to get very smart about this “Jericho” of rejection in front of us. Satan would like to use it to keep us thinking, “There is just something wrong with me!” For instance, he wants these thoughts to rule in our minds:
I am unworthy.
Others do not find me loveable.
Only I seem to be unacceptable.
A number of decades ago, there was a melancholy love song that went like this:
“They’re writing songs of love, but not for me. A lucky star’s above but not for me.” (by George and Ira Gershwin)
Truly, many of us let the devil work through our thoughts such that we believe others fit in, but we don’t. Indeed, the devil does a happy dance when we buy into his lies. So, let’s be spiritually astute. Constantly giving into the idea that we’re unworthy and being rejected again because of it is being in agreement with the devil, not God.
As an antidote, declare and believe all the verses in the Bible that tell you God is love and that He loves you. Hear the words that say you are unique and special to Him, needed in this world. Here’s one:
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. I will build you up again and you…will be rebuilt.” (Jeremiah 31:3)
“God is love,” says 1 John 4:16 Fight for this truth to constantly be the loudest thing you hear in your mind.
Tear Down the Walls of Rejection
With God’s help, our job is to tear down the stronghold of feeling we are constantly rejected and/or deserving of that. Indeed, if we recognize the devil wants to work through this real or imagined attack in our life, and by it, keep us from loving God and others, we are more apt to want to work on it.
So, we declare God’s love for us.
We look for scriptures that exalt God’s loving character.
As well as these two steps, we remind ourselves of how the devil wants us to see ourselves as rejected and thereby keep us distant from God and others.
In addition, we declare God’s ability to heal us and we actively pray for it.
Knowing that the God of comfort comforts us so that we can take care of others, we look for ways to help people who feel lonely, marginalized, and left out too. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
Above all else, we keep forgiving others and work to stay unoffended with God and with people.
Rethink Your Reactions to Others
Jesus said, “…first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:5) The hard truth is that sometimes, we reject others or ignore them too. Furthermore, James wrote,
“My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism. Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there,” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?” (James 2:1-4)
In other words, have you been welcoming to some and rejecting to others too? Leaders, have no favorites. We need to examine our own hearts, not just the hearts of others in their attitudes towards us.
Don’t Let Rejection Take Hold Again
Finally, once you begin to identify your slipping into rejected thoughts and moods, and begin to pray and heal from this constant, unpleasant state of mind, don’t go backwards. When you’ve torn the “walls” of the fort down, don’t build it back up again. Catch yourself when you begin to “go melancholy.” Stop yourself if you pull away and isolate from others. Make every effort to forgive and to be the one who initiates love.
Leaders, you can be the recipients of love and admiration. But, you can also be the recipients of much hostility and critique when all you wanted to do was love people. Retreat into God’s arms and keep in mind your calling. Jesus “came to that which was His own but His own did not receive Him.” (John 1:11)
Jesus knows. He’s endured the same thing. Keep right on loving as He did.
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18)
Further Resources:
What Does the Bible Say About Loneliness?
Bible Verses About God’s Love for Us
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Sounds like a wonderful conference. I think we all need to hear this message about dealing with rejection. We need to understand that we are never rejected by God. Thanks for sharing such an important message.
Yes rejection and all of these other negative thoughts and feelings are the devil attacking you. We need to armor ourselves with the word of God to overcome rejection. Jesus did not reject us; He died for us so that we could live for eternity with Him.
I had a pastor tell me it may not be God’s Will I marry.
I had to tell him we know the future.
So is he saying getting rejected in dating was God’s Will?
Ron, I do not think that getting rejected is God’s will. He is not the author of evil and cruel things.
Thanks for caring.
Hello Ron, Thank you for reading and commenting. Rejection is hard and harder for some than for others. But God knows and He cares and will help us overcome. God bless you.
I’ve received this same response from a few different people in my lifetime. It was usually from those who were already married. It makes you second guess whether God wants you to be happy or not. So resign to this type of life style.
Cyndi,
I don’t believe God ever wants us to “resign ourselves to something” that hurts us. Sometimes, perhaps many times, in serving Him and loving Him, we may find ourselves wounded by the opinions of others or giving something up to be aligned with God, but just being hurt and lonely – I don’t believe that’s His will. From what you say, it sounds like the rejection has to do with being single. I will write more to you by email.
Yes! I have heard the same- 43 years old and haven’t married yet.
Marisa, I know when you long to be married, and most people do, the loneliness of not being married is profound. And, if one has gotten close but then been rejected – that form of rejection is so painful.
When I wrote this, I was thinking of people who often feel rejected by a variety of others – family, co-workers, friends, and so on, not just as a possible marriage partner. They have such a “film” of rejection over them that they are given to a lot of misinterpreting the motives and actions of others. That just increases the pain.
So, the need is to take off those “glasses of rejection” through which one views the world. Sometimes, there is even a spirit of rejection to boot out of one’s life.
I know it can sound hard, perhaps even like a non-understanding answer, but what is the alternative? To be bitter, sad, angry with others? We have to be able to conquer the difficult areas of our lives – with God’s help – that keep us down.
God bless you and provide for you.
Thank you for this message. I’ve been dealing with rejections eversince I was a child. Fast forward, I isolate myself from others and been comfortable living alone. I pray that God will heal me and totally deliver me from spirit of rejection. All glory to God for this freedom. God bless you!
Sheena,
I am sorry for all the rejection you have encountered in life. I know it hurts. Most all of us pull back from such experiences. And it is understandable to isolate and be self-protective. But, I join with you in the hope and prayer that God will totally heal you and cause the wounds of rejection and your response to it to be overcome. I have another article on this site about the healing of wounds in our souls (mind, emotions, memory). It is found here: https://www.pammorrisonministries.com/blog/healing-of-soul-wounds.
I was specifically moved by one of the bible verse referred to on the post i.e. Jeremiah 31:3. God is love and He loves us more deeply than we ever know. I’m blessed by this post.
I have lived through rejection and can say it is definitely the enemies tactic, but so grateful for grace and how God has given me beauty for ashes, wonderful post!
Thank you, Ava. Rejection is definitely from the enemy. So good when we begin to figure that out and get free!
Such a great post! I wish every preteen and teen and college-aged girl could and would read this! And take its truths to heart! For I feel that these thought patterns begin at a young age. Thank you for sharing and shedding light on the lies of our enemy seeking to keep us focused anywhere but on our loving Father and His call upon our lives! Blessings! ?
I wish every preteen, teen, college aged, middle aged, old aged person of either male or female gender could and would read it.
You think males don’t experience rejection? I’m a 42 year old male who has endured more rejection throughout life than you could possibly imagine. Over and over again in many areas of life, decade after decade.
Bailey,
You are right – both men and women go through rejection. I am sorry that you have encountered so much in your life. I pray that in the decades ahead, that sense of being hurt and put aside will subside for you. God bless you.
Those lies about our unworthiness sneak in and destroy! You’ve shared some wonderful truths about this and the importance of looking to Jesus and not listening to those lies.
Thank you, Karen. They are lies! You are so right. We are precious and honored in God’s sight because He loves us. We need to hold on to that tightly. Thank you!
Ugh! Rejection hurts! I’ve been through it many times. And like the photo at the beginning of your article, it can bring about feelings of embarrassment and shame that color future experiences. I’m reminded of the times and ways Jesus was brutally rejected – but he loved anyway. Thanks for offering encouragement and comfort and a way forward for those hurting because of rejection.
Thank you, Summer. I almost hesitated to use the sort of comical photo because rejection can hurt so badly and so govern lives. But we can heal from it and grow to not lapse into rejection based thinking through God’s love. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment!
I love this post! We are always loved even when we feel rejected! Let’s focus on God and engrain in our hearts that we are cherished and deeply loved and cared for no matter what!
Amen, Sheryl. He’s the one who will never leave us no matter what!
Amen, Sheryl! We are cared for no matter what!
These are great insights for learning to love yourself the way that Jesus loves you. Thank you and God bless you!
Thank you, Laura. I love how you have said that. We need to learn to love ourselves as Jesus loves us. Thank you for stopping by.
Seeing our worlds through the lens of rejection is an extremely painful way to live our lives. I know because I’ve been there. Thank you so much for this encouraging post! Very much needed for many women everywhere …
Thank you so much, Donna. Yes, rejection is very familiar, sadly, to so many people. But it is so good, that God can break it off of us and renew our thoughts. Thanks for stopping by. Good to hear from you.
I went through a season where I was being rejected by my husband and it was very hard. Things are better now by the grace of God, but for those in that place, this will give them some much need perspective!
I am so sorry you went through that, Meghan, and I am so glad things are better now. Rejection can be so exquisitely painful and can really mark a person emotionally, physically, and spiritually. But praise God, He helps us heal and forgive those who have hurt us. And He helps us not to see rejection around every corner just because we’ve been hurt that way before. God bless you.
What a beautiful reminder this was! Thank you so much!
Thank you, Evangeline. I so appreciate your reading and commenting. God is so good to help us see how completely loved we are.
I don’t have strength to believe in beauty for ashes?????I’m too far gone in pain
I’m a Christian 55plus years
Since a child but I’m too crushed
Anna, I am so sorry you are broken-hearted and have been so deeply hurt. Even a Christian who believes deeply can be deeply wounded. But God can work miracles of healing and help us climb back up out of a pit of despair. I am hoping He will do that for you. God bless you, my friend. Write me again if you want to talk further.
In Him, I know I am always welcomed and always loved.
Yes, our dearest Friend.
Such a powerful post! We all deal with rejection is some way and I love how you pointed out the antidote to believing the lies Satan wants to throw our ways and challenged us to be spiritually astute. Thanks so much for writing this!
Kari, thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, getting sharp about the devil’s tricks is an important learning pathway. So grateful God shines His light on this.
Wow! Thank you so much for your article. This was definitely conformation for me. I have been rejected all my life starting in the wound. It was revealed to me that the enemy have a hit out on me. He use people to reject me to keep me running so I won’t walk in to my God given purpose. However! Even though I know this I still struggle with pulling down the strong hold of rejection. Please, if someone read this can you stand in prayer with me. Thanks in advance. Forgive my writing. I’m not good at it.
I’m so glad the article was meaningful for you. I agree with you! I think the enemy uses rejection to damage our walk with God and our ability to connect to other people. Yes, I will pray and I hope that others, who see your comment, will pray too. You already have a head start on getting more healing in this area because you realize it’s a tactic from the enemy. So, keep praying and declaring that you are loved and accepted by God. Keep praying for people who hurt you. And, keep being the one who is kind and compassionate to others. You will discover how strong and healthy you are as the Spirit moves through you. God bless you!
I understand
I am blessed by this meaningful article. Thank you.
Thank you so much for stopping by, reading, and commenting. God bless you so much.
Wow! Thank you so much for your article. This was definitely conformation for me. I have been rejected all my life starting in the wound. It was revealed to me that the enemy have a hit out on me. He use people to reject me to keep me running so I won’t walk in to my God given purpose. However! Even though I know this I still struggle with pulling down the strong hold of rejection. Please, if someone read this can you stand in prayer with me. Thanks in advance. Forgive my writing. I’m not good at it.
Thank you for this article it was a lifeline this morning. I have been a season of rejection that has had me questioning my worthiness or if I am made or fit for this world. I’ve been struggling. I took notes from this and work to speak God’s word over my life. When things like this happen it can make you want to avoid life to avoid being hurt. God Bless
Tiffany, I am so sorry for the level of rejection that you have felt in this season. Sometimes it can feel like we’re absolutely alone in this world. But, always the Lord is there for us – “Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.” (Psalm 27:10) “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See I have engraved you on the palms of my hands…” (Isaiah 49:15-16.) God will never forget or abandon you.
But, I pray for you to not only know absolutely that He feels this way about you, but I pray for you to have some really trustworthy friendship now and in the future and to be healed from the hurt you have borne. God bless you so much.
This was a great article, however I’m really looking for help in dealing with rejection that comes from God alone. I have fasted and prayed for years for help in dealing with an unknown illness that I’ve dealt with for 22 years. Doctors can’t help me. I have prayed and at some desperate points literally all out begged God to help me deal with the pain. He doesn’t. It crushes me because God is my only hope and He’s not interested in helping me. It’s painful to see that He helps others with their illnesses but not me. I’ve asked Him many times if I’ve offended Him somehow. I just don’t think He cares about me. I have stopped seeking Him lately because His rejection is just too painful. Honestly, I wish I was never created since God just wants to reject me. If God rejects me then there really is no hope for me.
Bobbi Sue, I am so sorry that you have suffered from this illness for 22 years. How hard and painful and discouraging this time has been for you. I know how difficult it is to go from doctor to doctor, but more importantly you have been praying. And you feel God doesn’t care or won’t help for some reason. Would you write to me at pam@pammorrisonministries.com, and let me be another person to pray for you? And then I’m going to encourage you to get a book called Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning. He talks about finding trust and keeping trust in God even in deep suffering. I think this book will help you. I am adding you to my prayer list, but get in touch with me if you can through my email also.
Dear Pam
This has been such a powerful, timeous and healing message
Bless you as God continues to give you nuggets of deep revelation
Mike,
Bless you also and thank you for your kind words. May God deeply bless you!